wait till spring

Your awesome Tagline

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May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor.

The odds are never in my favor. You win some, you lose some. I tend to lose A LOT. I cant blame this failure on anyone but myself, but I have to not dwell.


to live or continue in a given condition or state:

to dwell in happiness

Is that a real example? Dwell in happiness? Most people dwell in misery. And believe me, I am miserable. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles right? That fucking cookie. Who comes up with these fucking sayings? Why can’t it be simple like “sometimes you fall in love, and then they fall out of love” and slap you in the face with those cold harsh words?  The fuck.

I get it. I am not perfect.  But I keep hearing that love is unconditional, and I thought that maybe this time it was “real”. But it wasn’t and now, I don’t even want to move.

I for one, didn’t expect this. Not because I felt like things were perfect, but because everything was so beautiful with him. I thought we were growing, loving and learning about each other. Flaws included. I have so many flaws, but nothing is unconditional. 

For the past 2 ½ years, I have live my life with him and never pictured my life without him. But I can’t make him love me, so i must move on… and learn to be alone and miserable. Till the misery dies, and i get to live again.

Can I start counting the 500 days of summer now? This is day 2 :)

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Everything is all I have to give you
And I’m afraid it ain’t enough
And you’re not so young that you believe me
Just because I say it’s love
And even if they come to steal you tomorrow
I’ll know my smile was yours
Go ahead and chase your dreams and your freedom
Run, run wild wild horses

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All organic burger… Yum :) #ponoburger #santamonica #organic #supportyourlocalfarmers

All organic burger… Yum :) #ponoburger #santamonica #organic #supportyourlocalfarmers

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Happiness doesn’t sell

If anyone had ever told me what true happiness felt like, I think I would of stopped being miserable a long time ago.

But misery is so engrained in our skin, our soul, our hearts, that it makes it so difficult to change. It become our norm, our expectancy of life.

Everyday that I wake up next to him, is like the first time.

I don’t know what love is, but i have a feeling this is it.

He wont let me plan a wedding, so for now, i”ll just pin it on pinterest ;)

Filed under love happy

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"A lot of people have this problem, and maybe you are one of them. Many people tend to look at the past, instead of looking towards the future."

I am not one of those people that say, ” I have no regrets”, or ” I am a better person for it”. Even though undoubtedly, I AM a better person for the things I’ve experienced, I still think I could of done with out.  

I do have regrets & that is probably the most difficult realization a person could make in their life. Knowing that one decision, IS what could of made a difference. 

I have with out a doubt, A GOOD LIFE. I won’t negate all the good things that have happened to me, or all the wonderful people I have met. I do feel though, at times, that I am missing something. I don’t know what that is… and that is exactly what troubles me the most. I am not searching for a problem, or aching for pain. I am simply missing something. And I think that maybe I need to reassure myself that I have made ALL the right choices. 

I have a man, that makes me so incredibly happy. A happiness that I have never ever felt before. And an incredible amount of  love and support from my family and friends, that cannot be denied.

What ever that is, this “thing” that I am missing. Today, I chose to move forward. Today I chose to never have “it” in my mind again. Today I will assume that all the happiness in my life, is because I am missing that “thing”. 

Filed under life love happiness

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I told Rafa I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, (which I totally meant by the way).. but he still got me flowers … My favorite. He should just put a ring on it though.

I told Rafa I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, (which I totally meant by the way).. but he still got me flowers … My favorite. He should just put a ring on it though.

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I don’t need to be fixed, and I certainly don’t need to be found. 

I’m not lost. 

Story of my freaking life. 

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Don’t let your fear defeat you.
Much love to my prof Tony Cox, who believes in me even when I don’t.

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A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.

- Milan Kundera 

And if you leave, will you finally be happy then? And then what happens in 3 years?